Ready enough

I’m realising how close the start of my mindful self-compassion teacher training is. I know it’s close because I can feel a mix of excitement and nerves about what’s ahead: anticipation, curiosity, vulnerability, and an oh-so-common one: self-doubt. 

Today I was looking at some of the materials and thought, “What if I’m not ready?” 

I’ve probably asked myself that question countless times in my life, about different things:

What if I’m not ready to deliver that workshop?

What if I’m not ready to have a hard conversation?

What if I’m not ready to lead a group? 

“What if I’m not ready?”

In my past, I’d respond by listening to that doubt, agreeing with it - that I’m definitely not ready - and then attempting to over-prepare, double down on reviewing whatever I need to do to feel more prepared, often at the expense of sleep, calm, ease, and being in the moment.

I would then probably go into the event more constricted and stressed. 

I have memories of times delivering technical training, and spending the entire airplane or train ride to the client site, with my lesson plan notes, going over and over them so that I could feel invincible to any question I might get. I did that in spite of the fact that I probably knew the systems as well as anyone in my entire company and was definitely capable of sharing the information my clients needed to know, because I was good at my role. 

I see this in my clients, as they lose sleep to feel prepared, or hesitate to put themselves forward for things they’re totally qualified for, or avoid a conversation that would actually help spotlight an issue on something that’s not working in their team.

Today was so different. I had a few much kinder thoughts to myself, including:

“Well, this is what the training is for - for you to learn.  You’re kind of not ready, because you haven’t done the training yet.”

Hmm, I could feel myself considering that. It felt like a nice perspective.

And then I carried on with my encouragement to myself:

“And, you are ready enough. You’re interested and willing to commit to learn it.”

Not ready yet, and ready enough. It feels as if both are true. And with that, I could feel myself relax. “I’m not ready yet because I haven’t learned it yet” allows me to acknowledge being a beginner. Nobody is asking for perfection. Nobody is asking me to be a master teacher yet; I’m just starting this process. 

And I’m ready enough. 

What if we could all approach life that way, remembering that every day we’re learning - about ourselves, the world, our trade/craft/role, uncertainty, other people. To go in with a beginners’ mind - what can I learn today? Not ready yet, because who knows what might happen that you can’t prepare for - because you haven’t faced it, yet. 

And also remembering that you’re ready enough - to relax into your leadership position that you’ve rightfully earned, to reach out to that person you’d like to learn from, to speak up in a meeting even if it’s to say, “I’m listening to all these thoughts and considering - I don’t want to rush to a conclusion.”

What if that could all be true? What would be different for you?