Happy Valentine’s Day, Sons
I’m not a huge fan of the way of modern holidays are so commercialised, but I try to remember the intent behind the day rather than let the capitalistic machine suck out all the joy from events which are otherwise a nice idea.
I did get really annoyed last night at the store, though, when I was trying to buy cards for my two teenage sons. Of course I know that they don’t really want, expect, or need a Valentine’s Day card from me, their mom. I know I also don’t have to buy them a card - I could make one myself if I cared that much. But I thought, why not - I want to include them in this day and tell them that my love as their mother matters to me.
What was annoying was that in a very large supermarket card section, I couldn’t find a single card that said Happy Valentine’s Day, Son. There were plenty of cards for daughters, nieces, and granddaughters. Thankfully there were cards for partners, not just wives and husbands. So maybe some progress.
But there weren’t any cards for sons, nephews, or grandsons, that I could see. I also didn’t get the impression that there was a big empty section where people had ransacked that collection, meaning I was just late to arrive*. No, I got the impression that they just didn’t have any. Argh! Likewise, buying a card for a young non-binary person seemingly would have been impossible.
[*I was late to arrive, I’ll be honest, so if everyone reading this has seen loads of Valentine’s Day cards for boys, please stand me corrected and I’ll do my card shopping earlier next year!]
I realise that most people associate Valentine’s Day with romantic love, but I feel more than ever, that what we need is more love, expressions of care and love, and acceptance of love in all its varied forms.
Which made it all the more disheartening to not see any cards for sons or family roles held by boys. Because when I think of these sweet-hearted boys, and tender young men, crossing over from adolescence into adults, and forging their way in a confusing and complicated world, I know that they need love too.
They need to know that their hearts matter, that they’re worthy, deserving, and included in an aspect of humanity which is about giving and receiving, showing and being shown, affection and care. This stuff doesn’t just go one way, if we want equity and an ability for each of us to feel ok to show all sides to ourselves as humans.
In the end I managed to find a couple of cards that just said “Happy Valentine’s Day” and wrote some words to each of my sons about what makes them special.
But I do think we can do better here to remember and include that all of us, regardless of gender, are welcomed and encouraged to receive love. That it’s not a gendered thing, but more about being part of a world that is enriched by both giving and receiving. Aiming to ensure that all genders are not marginalised or discouraged away from the full expression of love and care. If you’re going to have cards for daughters, nieces, and granddaughters, and don’t have ones for sons, nephews, and grandsons, surely it is an omission. I’m sure that a smaller, independent shop might have a wider assortment of options…but it’s the mainstream messaging that needs updating.
That’s my rant over - and with love I’ll sign off there. xx