Want to feel less stressed? Take off some hats

One of the cool things in life is that we can play many roles, or wear many hats. We’re not just one identity, all the time.

The challenge comes up when we think we have to be amazing in all our roles, when some of the roles we have are just not as important in the grand scheme of things.

Several years ago, I had a list of about a dozen roles I was playing in life: wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, manager, coach, volunteer, church member, cricket team player, organiser, neighbour…

I happened to run some Time Management training at the time which had a message that I really needed to hear — you can’t be great at ALL the roles.

The activity we went through was to list out all your roles, all the hats you’re wearing.

Some people listed up to 40 roles they were playing — when you think about different roles in families (aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, child, parent, sibling, grandparent), and all the various roles that exist in orgs/teams (treasurer, board member, director, committee member…), the roles can add up!

The next part of the activity was to prioritise — what are your top 3–6 roles? What would good look like in each of those?

Now pick the top 3.

What would great look like for those 3?

Focus on those roles to honour what’s most important to you.

The other ones might have to weigh less in terms of importance.

If you continue to think you can be all these things, to a high standard, you’ll feel like you’re constantly trying to get above the water line.

It’s a path to exhaustion and burnout.

I found it a hard exercise, because I love people and being involved, and there was something at least a little rewarding in all of those roles. But there were costs, too. I was really tired.

If you’re thinking, I like the idea but I don’t know how I’d not do all that I’m doing, here are some ideas:

• Give yourself some time to reflect on all the roles. How much do you enjoy them versus doing them out of a feeling of obligation?

• How much energy is each role getting in your week/month/year? Where could you redirect that energy for more impact?

• What would be possible if you stopped doing a role? What might the benefits be? (e.g. someone else can step up, responsibility is shared, a chance for fresh ideas) Start to put in place a plan and timeframe for you to shift out of responsibilities if you’re ready to hand off a role.

• Practice saying what you’d need to say the next time you’re asked to do something that doesn’t fit with your highest priorities. “I’m not able to at this time”, or “Given my other commitments, I have to decline.”

The reason I do my coaching work is that I want women to have more energy to do the things that matter most, and to have more ease and balance in life.

Being aware of the roles we play is a key aspect of identifying where our focus and attention goes, and how we can redirect it in ways that are most fulfilling and meaningful.

Please share this if you found it helpful.

And if you’d like to explore how you could have more balance, ease, and joy, book a call and we can chat through what’s going on for you and if I can help.