Why self-criticism feels so bad, and what to do instead

Something I read from my mindful self-compassion workbook has stayed with me all week!
From the learning and practice I've had with mindful self-compassion in the past 3 years, I know how different I feel about myself - that I can be so much kinder to myself in times of stress. And what I read this week helped me understand the science and the physiology of it which made it even better.

As Kristen Neff and Chris Germer say in this book,
"When we feel inadequate, our self-concept is threatened, so we attack the problems - ourselves!
With self-criticism, we are both the attacker and the attacked."
I read that line again. And re-read it. And re-read it. A few more times.

So, that's why self-criticism feels so awful, because it's teeing up all of our fight/flight/freeze responses. But the fight is coming from within, as is the response. Urgh...so hard!

The good news is, as humans we're wired for care, so we can activate our compassion response to help soothe ourselves in times of stress. This is why I love this work - it's not actually having to learn anything new: it's actually using skills that we already have and possess as humans. The work is to just tend to ourselves with kindness and compassion when we're struggling.

Offering care. It seems so easy. I think it actually is and just takes practice!

Next time you're struggling, just remember that you deserve care and compassion, and see if you can offer that to yourself.

If you'd like to learn more, drop me a message - I'm very excited to share more of this and help more people feel more ease and peace.